If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
