I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
