Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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