I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
