You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
