I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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