my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
