she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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