i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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