Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so let's talk penis.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
