last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
