i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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