Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
