apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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