I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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