Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
