all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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