Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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