Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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