You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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