Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize