Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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