john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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