Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Randomize
