You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
