you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
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I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Watching her eat just hurts me
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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