Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
