hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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