Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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