I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
