Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
