I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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