VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
