im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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