I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
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Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
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You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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