I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
