i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
