gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
