Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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