He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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