Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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