Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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