then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i out mim tonsoeep
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