So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
