I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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