I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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