i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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