they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize