Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
