dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
