3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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