so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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