She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
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Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
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If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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