my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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