Midget sex pt 2 tonight
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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