His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you made out with another girl for some wings
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
