why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
