That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
