i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
