I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
