Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize