i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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