she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
