im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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