By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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