I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
